Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my sisters under your porch take her home
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
