then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
