So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He? As in you personified your dick?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
