remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
