Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize