Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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