ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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