At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
