birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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