We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
