we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
