If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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