i just wanna soil my oats bro
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
