we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
