Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
