If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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