im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
