did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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