I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
