I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
