you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
