I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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