he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize