When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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