when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
