I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think my moral compass just broke
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize