i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
