I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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