She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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