You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
