note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
