that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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