I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
