Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
