and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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