I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
