As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
