Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize