I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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