I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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