i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
