i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
