Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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