I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
