Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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