it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
