You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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