YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I still have a little drunk in my system
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
