I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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