I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
