The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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