Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
