so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
