Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize