you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My breasts were aching with rage.
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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