Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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