we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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