why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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