I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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