she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
