Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
