This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
